Such A Sad Beautiful Thing......
Love & EnvyBefore I knew you, I never understood the concept of envy, because I believed that I should fight to claim the right to own what I want. Only in doing so, did it make having what I had meaningful, having fought with all my heart and soul for them. I never envied others who had what I did not have, because what they had were gifts, luxuries that were not earned with their own blood and toil. Hence, I came to love fighting for what I want, for what I believe in, because I find it meaningful.
Then I met you. And I realized that it was the gifts from others, from you, that were truly precious. Because those are the things that, no matter how much I sacrifice, no matter what price I pay, no matter how hard I fight, I can never earn them with my own blood. They have to be given, with love, in order to be received in comfort. They have to be given, with grace, in order to be received with heart. It was then that I found that I had very little gifts, very little to lose, and a deep longing for the ultimate gift that I can ever receive. The heart of the woman I love, that I cannot have, but crave in all sadness for all infinite eternity.
You taught me love.
You taught me envy.
Such a sad beautiful thing......
~Havoc~
Saturday, May 28, 2005
"The Devil Told You That!"
Grimm's Fairytales: Rumpelstiltskinby Jacob Ludwig Grimm and Wilhelm Carl Grimm
There was once a miller who was poor, but he had one beautiful daughter. It happened one day that he came to speak with the King, and, to give himself consequence, he told the King that he had a daughter who could spin gold out of straw. The King said to the miller, "That is an art that pleases me well; if your daughter is as clever as you say, bring her to my castle tomorrow, that I may put her to the proof."
When the girl was brought to him, he led her into a room that was quite full of straw, and gave her a wheel and spindle, and said, "Now set to work, and if by the early morning you have not spun this straw to gold you shall die." And he shut the door himself, and left her there alone.
And so the poor miller's daughter was left there sitting, and could not think what to do for her life: she had no notion how to set to work to spin gold from straw, and her distress grew so great that she began to weep. Then all at once the door opened, and in came a little man, who said, "Good evening, Miller's daughter; why are you crying?" "Oh!" answered the lass, "I have got to spin gold out of straw, and I don't understand the business." Then the little man said, "What will you give me if I spin it for you?" "My necklace," said the girl.
The little man took the necklace, seated himself before the wheel, and whirr, whirr, whirr! Three times round and the bobbin was full; then he took up another, and whirr, whirr, whirr! Three times round, and that was full; and so he went on till the morning, when all the straw had been spun, and all the bobbins were full of gold. At sunrise came the King, and when he saw the gold he was astonished and very much rejoiced, for he was beset with avarice. He had the Miller's daughter taken into another room filled with straw, much bigger than the last, and told her that if she valued her life she must spin it all in one night.
The lass knew not what to do, so she began to cry, and then the door opened again and the little man appeared and said, "What will you give me if I spin all this straw into gold?" "The ring from my finger," answered the girl.
So the little man took the ring, and began again to send the wheel whirring round, and by the next morning all the straw was spun into glistening gold. The King was rejoiced beyond measure at the sight, but as he could never have enough of gold, he had the Miller's daughter taken into a still larger room full of straw, and said, "This, too, must be spun in one night, and if you accomplish it you shall be my wife." For he thought, "Although she is but a Miller's daughter, I am not likely to find any one richer in the whole world."
As soon as the girl was left alone, the little man appeared for the third time and said, "What will you give me if I spin the straw for you this time?" "I have nothing left to give," answered the girl. "Then you must promise me the first child you have after you are Queen," said the little man.
"But who knows whether that will happen?" thought the girl; but as she did not know what else to do in her necessity, she promised the little man what he desired, upon which he began to spin, until all the straw was gold. And when in the morning the King came and found all done according to his wish, he caused the wedding to be held at once, and the Miller's bonny lass became a fine young Queen.
In a year's time she brought a child into the world, and thought no more of the little man, but one day he came suddenly into her room and said, "Now give me what you promised me."
The Queen was terrified greatly, and offered the little man all the riches of the kingdom if he would only leave the child, but the little man said, "No, I would rather have something living than all the treasures of the world."
Then the Queen began to lament and to weep and the little man was moved to pity. "I will give you three days," said he, "and if at the end of that time you cannot tell me my name, you must give your scion to me."
Then the Queen spent the whole night in thinking over all the names that she had ever heard, and sent a messenger through the land to ask far and wide for all the names that could be found. And when the little man came next day, beginning with Caspar, Melchior, Balthazar, she repeated all she knew, and went through the whole list, but after each the little man said, "That is not my name."
The second day the Queen sent to inquire of all the neighbors what the servants were called, and told the little man all the most unusual and singular names, saying, "Perhaps you are Roast-ribs, or Sheepshanks, or Spindleshanks?" But he answered nothing but "That is not my name."
The third day the messenger came back again, and said, "I have not been able to find one single new name, but as I passed through the woods I came to a high hill and chanced upon a sight most peculiar. Near the hill was a little house and before the house burned a fire and round the fire danced a comical little man and he hopped around on one leg and cried,
‘Today do I bake, tomorrow I brew,
The day after that the Queen's child comes in;
And oh! I am glad that nobody knew
That the name I am called is Rumpelstiltskin!’"
You cannot think how pleased the Queen was to hear that name and soon afterwards, when the little man walked in and said, "Now, Mrs. Queen, what is my name?" she said at first, "Are you called Jack?" "No," answered he. "Are you called Harry?" she asked again. "No," answered he. And then she said, "Then perhaps your name is Rumpelstiltskin!" "The devil told you that! The devil told you that!" cried the little man, and he stamped with his right foot so hard in his rage that it sank right into the ground, above his knee. Then he seized his left foot with both his hands in such a great effort to free himself that he tore himself in two, and that was the end of him.
A Tragic Fairytale To Forget
RumpelstiltskinSweet melancholy
Listen to my melody
I sing a song of malady
If she so desired
I would spin her straws of gold
Yet her heart I could not hold
And to me she was so cold
Thus my heart was forgone
And to half my mind was torn
Dreams of children left unborn
I wanted not
Her rings nor her necklace
But her love and her grace
A deep kiss face to face
Asylum now I seek
That I would rather all forget
Than to remember and regret
That I used to love you before
What is my name? Who am I?
Thursday, May 26, 2005
The Crazy Mix
| How to make a RedHavoc |
| Ingredients: 1 part pride 3 parts crazyiness 5 parts ego |
| Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of fitness and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
Friday, May 20, 2005
Awake To Pain
The SleeperThe sleeper
Riding a flare
A flaming nightmare
Running faraway
From the darkness
Of the day
That he fears
What he hears
When he wakes
To what makes
The quakes
That shake
The state of his mind
The shadows watch
As they wait to catch
And pull off the patch
That covers his shame
For what he has done
That cannot be undone
Conscience
Makes the sleeper
His faith keeper
The shadows watch
As they wait to catch
And pull off the patch
That covers his shame
For what he has done
That cannot be undone
Conscience
Makes the sleeper
His faith keeper
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Anger Management Required
Fatal FuryBleeding sorrow blinds the Sight
Darkening heart ignores the Light
Bitter rain fouls all thought
Seething notion forgets all ought
Judgment calls
Vengeance falls
The hand deals in pain
The deed leaves a stain
Mother's hope is dashed
Lover's dream has crashed
Brother is in horror
Children are in terror
Judgment calls
Vengeance falls
More pain hereafter
Bigger stain thereafter
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
"If forever is just a dream, then all I want to do is to hold you close and never wake up."
~Havoc~
As I let her go as she turns away,
My heart becomes a cruel cold desolation,
Numb and hard without any consolation.
My world is a blurry blue translucence.
My spirit wanes in evanescence.
I feel naught but a pain that is immortal,
For an emptiness burns away
Everything else like some hell-spawned portal.
Shards of hurt are frozen with me in infinite stasis
As a merciless hard wetness coalesces around me on a definite basis.
Suffocation and tightness become together my vice;
The clamps of passion make so abominable a device.
For love I bear such an expensive price:
I am trapped in a prison of ice.
In an instant that lasts for an eternity.
~Havoc~
Love's Big Freeze
Prison Of IceAs I let her go as she turns away,
My heart becomes a cruel cold desolation,
Numb and hard without any consolation.
My world is a blurry blue translucence.
My spirit wanes in evanescence.
I feel naught but a pain that is immortal,
For an emptiness burns away
Everything else like some hell-spawned portal.
Shards of hurt are frozen with me in infinite stasis
As a merciless hard wetness coalesces around me on a definite basis.
Suffocation and tightness become together my vice;
The clamps of passion make so abominable a device.
For love I bear such an expensive price:
I am trapped in a prison of ice.
In an instant that lasts for an eternity.
